In Denmark, where the people are consistently voted the happiest in the world, the winters are as long and dark as the summers are fleeting.
How do they survive this and remain so happy? Simple. They focus on hygge.
What’s hygge?
Hygge (hoogah) is a feeling. Hygge feels safe, comfortable, and secure. It’s about being with friends and family. It’s also about relaxing. Here’s one definition I found:
a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture). "why not follow the Danish example and bring more hygge into your daily life?"
Hygge is hard to spell, weird to pronounce, and difficult to define. It’s a feeling of love and respect for home life that doesn’t translate into any single English word. As you can probably tell by now, it has a lot to do with our senses and using them to tune in to the smaller pleasures in life.
Last week I was talking about some visual things we can do to make our homes feel more hygge like using candles, soft lighting, and creating cozy nooks for reading. This winter it seems like we’re going to be spending quite a bit of time inside with our families.
That may be a calming thought or it could be a nerve-wracking one depending on the way your family communicates with each other.
Hygge communication, of course, is about
much more than just words.
It could include crackling fires, bells ringing, soft laughter, casual conversation, encouraging words, comfortable silence, games being played, children playing. Those sounds all help create a feeling of hygge.
Since Danes prioritize family life, they have a view of communication that fosters empathy from early on. They actively and intentionally teach empathy in state-run preschools starting at the age of 3.
Danes also have an attitude of acceptance towards others. When parents are walking with their children and they see another child, they often look for positives and share them out loud.
“See that child over there, isn’t she clever?”
Danish people know that it’s important to encourage children in the right way. This doesn’t include hollow or insincere praise. They also avoid negative comparisons with other children and focus on everyone's best traits. Boasting and bragging aren’t considered hygge and neither is monopolizing conversations. A good hygge conversationalist knows how to shine the spotlight on others rather than themselves.
Hygge communication should feel inclusive. The family needs to find a way to include and accept everyone because everyone needs to feel noticed and important. We know that if individuals don’t find acceptance and support in their families, they tend to look for it elsewhere
18 Phrases To Bring More Hygge To Your Home
“Isn’t this cozy! Thanks for making this feel special, Mary.”
“You and your brother worked so hard on this homemade appetizer, Sheldon! The spices are perfect!”
You did it, you finished your chores and your homework with lots of time to spare, Leonard. Now you can hang out and do what you want for longer before bed tonite. Doesn't that feel good?!
I see that you’ve been practicing your guitar a lot lately, Bernadette. How’s it going?
“How are you getting along with the kids at day camp, Barry?”
“I understand you like playing with Howard, but it’s important to include others as well, especially if they ask. Think about how you would feel if someone said to you that you couldn’t play with them”
“That girl is crying? How do you think she’s feeling right now?”
“Do you think maybe she missed her nap and will feel better in a little while?
“Let’s read this book together., Penny. You can sit on my lap or alongside me.” (as you’re reading, you can talk about the feelings of the characters in the story. Ask your kids how they would feel)
“We’re not the perfect family but we’re the one we have for each other today."
“It's nice to get to spend some lazy time together in our jammies, sweatpants or
Hyggebukser. (a pair of pants you wear at home but would not wear in public.)
"Tell me about one nice thing you did for someone today."
“All feelings are OK, all actions are not”
“Who’s turn is it to pick the family game tonight?
I think we should light candles every Friday night (or every night). It’s cozy.”
“Our screen-free hour is starting in 10 minutes, what should we do together?
“Let’s play ping pong after dinner! Who's in?”
“Do you want to work on this art project, craft, or puzzle with me, Amy?”
OK, so maybe your family is close but they're not quite in hygge heaven yet when it comes to communicating. Where should you start?
Here’s Something You Can Do Right Now To Improve the Communication In Your Family!
Sit down and list all members of your family that you will be with this winter. Think of at least 7 positive traits for each of them and write them down under their names. Then the next time you see them, bring up one thing from the list they did and tell them how it helped you whether it was making you smile or giving you the time to relax by pitching in. Or maybe their special skill is cheering people up or finding things that are lost.
Refer to your list often during the day and let people know how important they are to you and to the family without expecting anything at all in return. That’s just what families do for each other.
Try it, see what happens, and let me know in the comments below.
Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, parent, author, teacher, SELF-care facilitator, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI
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